there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
