Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
