my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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