two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
