I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
