Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
