Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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