I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
