i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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