Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
two words...techno handjob
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
