the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
