did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
