But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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