Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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