I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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