I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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