Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
