i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
