Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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