its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
