onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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