I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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