Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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