dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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