I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
