..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize