I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
