Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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