After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize