Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
