im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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