Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
