And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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