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O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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