Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
