I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
