Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
