I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
