five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
