I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
