I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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