just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fuck appropriateness.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
