then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
