id be glad to
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
