okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When are your genitals available?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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