i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Everclear isn't food dammit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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