Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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