If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
