when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
