I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
