i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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