Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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