I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
