pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
