Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
