i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Best friends brother. Beat that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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