Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
