I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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