: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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