The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize