i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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