She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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