so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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