Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
