I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
