how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
